1000 ways to unlock Lucario in Pokemon Red

Step 51: Stop screaminng and go cry to your mommy

step 52: let your mommy console you you poor child

Step 53: Give your mummy the flareon

step 54: let your flareon devour your mommy for good

Step 55: get your mommy to reform and do the previos step again. Repeat until you get bored

Step 56: After you become bored out of your mind, have your mom eat the Flareon, then summon a Garydos from your ass and have him eat both your mother and your Flareon.

Step 57: Get Rayquaza to abuse Garydos in some appaling way while you hide behind a tree

Step 58: Cut the Tree down and Make a Fire.

Step 59: Pee on said fire

Step 60: light another fire with remaining pee ( )

61: Leave the fire and look for a Eevee.

Step 62: Feed the Eevee to another Eevee

Step 63: feed the Eevee a thunderstone.

Step 64: Sneak up on Lt. Surge and use Eevee/Jolteon as a surprise suppository.

Step 65: Pull the second Jolteon out of the First Jolteon and have them both use Double team.

Step 66: Have the doubles make love with each other.

Now this is where things get a little tricky.
Step 67: Have the doubles blow their load in Lt.Surge's face. This is a little hard because he's not going to hold still and let them. Now, he's going to try and kill you after you do this so try not to die or you'll have to start all over again.

Protip: You can use empty pokeballs to trip him so be sure to stock up on them.

Step 68 While Surge is trying to kill you, you must steel his hair jell, THIS IS VERY ESSENTIAL!!!

Step 69: Flee the gym, leaving behind the doomed pokemon and begin to rub the first person you see with the hair gel.

NOTE: If you are playing Pokemon yellow, that person must be the officer Jenny that later gives you the squirtle.

Step 70: Get rid of the ocean. This one may be a little bit of a challenge.

Step 71: Run across it to Hoen.

Step 72: Sink Hoen into the ocean.
This is a little tricky since you need the ocean gone for step 75.

Protip: The best way to accomplish this is to first unlock Palkia first and use him to drop Hoen onto an alternate universe Hoen and sink them both into the ocean.

Step 73: Visit littleroot toun.

Step 74: Ask the first person you see if you can poke them and their pokemon. Keep poking until one of them faints.

Protip: If they say no, drop a Snorlax on them and prod that instead. This will allow you to skip a few steps, but ONLY IF THEY SAY NO!

Step 75: Go back to the ocean floor, find a Gyrados and make it give you a handjob. If you put the ocean back to accomplish step 73 then this will be hard since it won't be dried out and weak.

Step 76: Remove all of its teeth with plyers

step 77: then sell the teeth for a charizard, who will quickly AV you

Step 78: Now in the rump let your charizard out.

Step 79: Stay in the Charizrds rump for about a week...or longer.

Step 80: After a week...or longer has expired, remove Charizard's new teeth (yes, it will grow it's teeth back by then) from the inside and replace with your Nan's false teeth.

Step 81: remove your teeth and replace them with the Charizard teeth

Step 82: Scare the hell out of your nan who's false teeth you stole by bearing your Charizard teeth. (Bonus if you chew a few red berries beforehand)

Step 83 take a photo of the ocation ---Make sure you and the charizard are smileing!---

Step 84: The Charizard will quickly vore the photo, and you must retrieve it.

Step 85: after retrieving the photo, burn it on the tail of the charizard.

Step 86 sell it on e-bay then eat the money you get

Step 87: Regurgiate the money and go to every pokemart in a given region and give each cashier one pokedollar covered in bile.

Step 89 go to offisor Jenny and tell her the shopkeepers have stolen your bile-money

Step 90: Acquire the Franklin Badge from Jenny.

Step 91: Run in a circle in front of Jenny EXACTLY 20 times then talk to her again, say that you are looking for happy land.

Step 92: Listen to Jenny's instructions, which include talking to a guy in town whom resembles Mr. T. He will give you the directions to Happy Happy village.

Step 93: Pull off a Mr. T impersonation after gaining directions. Though the man may chase you. If he doe you must run through the nearest cave to lead you on the path to Happy Happy Village. The HM Flash will be needed.

Step 94: Upon reaching Happy Happy Village, steal an egg in order to initiate a battle with one of the locals. Make sure your party is fully healed before you do so, though.

Step 95: Fight your way through the elderly pokemon masters as you make your excape

Step 96: One of the elderly in the group you must fight is a whitch. Defeat the whitch by dropping a house on her. You have to have a pokemon that knows Strangth to do with. You'll hear a chime when you kill the right one.
Note: This one might also be a bit uphill, since there is now way to tell who is the witch and it changes every time. Also there are less houses than people, so this may take a few tries.

Step 97: destroy the rest of the houses

Step 98: Burn the remains then make one of your Pokemon devour the dead witch to give it extra powers and abilities. Evolution may also be possible.

Step 99: Give the pokemon who ate the dead a reaper's cloak. This only applies if the pokemon you used was not a ghost type. This step may be tricky as you'll first have to unlock a reaper's cloak. Best to just use a ghost type.

Step 100: Drop a Spell Tag on the ground and step back. See if your Pokemon will perform a ritual or not, hopefully it does. However it is all left to chance.

Step 101: The ritual will either bring back Elvis, Hitler, or Jesus this this is determined by which starter you chose at the begining of the game.